How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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