YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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