i think i have two assholes
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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