I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
