This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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