i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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