Ambien. No doubt about it.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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