I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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