she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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