Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
