imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
