We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
