The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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