Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
