she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He passed out mid-signature
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
