Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
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You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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