whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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