Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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