wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
