just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You pole danced in your parka.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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