my computer doesn't work...
i puked on it last night
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic