she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.