She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Omg the world wants us to be better people
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.