Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
