I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
