So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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