If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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