Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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