we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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