Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semen is not good for contacts.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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