just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
