Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
