Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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