You're so nebulous sometimes
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
