i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
