meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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