babies were throwing up all over the place
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
