And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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