toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
