tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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