you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
