I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
