$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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