im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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