At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize