i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
