hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
