I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
