how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
