Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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