Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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