I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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