i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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