stop calling my apartment porn island.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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