Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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