We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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