When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
