Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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