he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
someone owes me an orgasm
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize