Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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