Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
