I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
