You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
