We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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