my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
