I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize