Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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