Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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