i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
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This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
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I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.