Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.